Siobhan served in the Air Force as a Therapist and faced a challenging situation that she didn't expect while serving in the military. She faced discrimination in the military and also had toxic leadership that led her to feel like a failure and contemplated suicide. Luckily, she found an anchor in focusing on what she would do once she left the military behind. Today, she is a business owner and is creating spaces for badass ladies who handle being an adult like a boss.
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Amanda Huffman00:00
Welcome to Episode 159 of the women of the military podcast this week my guest is Siobhan Cunningham. She and I got to meet in person in October right after we did the podcast interview at the woman better an alliance unconference in Las Vegas It was really fun to meet her in person. And she got to come and hear me speak on the panel that I was on and I got to hear her speak on her talk that she did. And then she was awarded the Melissa a Washington's Small Business Award at the dinner on Saturday evening, and it was so exciting to listen to her share a little bit of her story and her excitement as she was on stage. And I'm excited for what she's going to do. And I'm just looking forward to sharing this interview with you. So let's do a quick overview and then we'll get started. Siobhan served in the Air Force as a therapist and paste a challenging situation that she didn't expect while serving in the military. she faced discrimination in the military and also had toxic leadership that led to her feeling like a failure and contemplating suicide. Luckily, she found an anchor and focusing on what she would do once she left the military behind. today. She is a business owner and is creating a space for ladies who handle being an adult like a boss. This interview is a difficult and important topic to cover. So I'm glad that she was able to open up and share about her experience in the military. So let's get started. You're listening to season three of the women on the military podcast Here you will find the real stories of female service members. I'm Amanda Huffman, I am an Air Force veteran military spouse and Mom, I created women in the military podcast in 2019. As a place to share the stories of female service members past and present, with a goal of finding the heart of the story while uncovering the triumphs and challenges women face while serving in the military. If you want to be encouraged by the stories of military women and be inspired to change the world. Keep tuned for this latest episode of women on the military. Women of the military podcast would like to thank Sabio Coding Bootcamp for sponsoring this week's episode. Sabio Coding Bootcamp is a top ranked coding boot camp that is 100% dedicated to helping smart and highly motivated individuals become exceptional software engineers visit their website at www.sabio.la to learn how you may be able to use your GI Bill benefits to train at savea your tuition and monthly BAH stipend may be paid during your training period. They are also 100% committed and helping you find your first job in tech. So don't forget to head over to www.sabio.la to learn more. And now let's get started with this week's interview. Welcome to the show Siobhan, I'm so excited to have you here.
Siobhan Cunningham 03:09
Thank you, Amanda, so much for having me. I am equally excited to be here.
Amanda Huffman03:14
So let's start with why did you decide to join the military?
Siobhan Cunningham 03:18
This answer is really complicated. So my dad was in the Army, my whole family is military. Like if you could join that is what you did. And my dad really didn't want me to join. He just was like you're smart. Go to school. So I went to school, I became a social worker. But when I got out like I was doing all these things work in like three jobs just trying to like get this leadership and clinical skills together. And my brother, who at the time was Navy Corpsman was like, Man, you're a social worker, you should join the Navy and be a social worker be no get saluted all the time. And I'm just like, I don't, okay. I didn't join the Navy. But I did join the Air Force as a social work officer. The other piece of that was I also was running from a relationship that I couldn't get out of that's like the other layer the complexity.
Amanda Huffman04:11
You're trying to figure out how to move forward with your life. And you were like, well, the military would give me the leadership that I'm looking for. And it would get me out of here and I could get away from this relationship. Yes. And did you do OTS officer training school?
Siobhan Cunningham 04:27
No. Well, I did the commissioned officers training. So my hope is that medical officer crew when they come in, because we don't know what we're doing, we're like terrified. Half of them are in their like freshman year of residency for their medical stuff. And the other half are like Grizzly ripped, like we were in the service. And now we're out we got a profession and now we're getting back in and so the dynamics were very interesting, but no, it's commissioned officers training. It was so funny. Because like we were all like trying to outsmart like the the leadership and of course blow up in our faces. And it's funny because I think every caught class has had some kind of crazy scandal. It was it was challenging, but it was fun.
Amanda Huffman05:15
When I was at Air and Space basic course the second lieutenant school there were people going through thought there was Captain saluting Lieutenants and they were like, so confused.
Siobhan Cunningham 05:27
Well, I was saluting ROTC kids cuz I didn't know what that rank was. And then like, I think one of our commanders or commadants came in and I was just sitting down chillin in the ROTCs, the kids came in, and they're like, Oh, so clueless, so clueless. All of us.
Amanda Huffman05:43
It's kind of a different experience, because some of the people come in with rank, and then you don't even really know the ranks or who you're so slick. You're like, why is this Captain saluting a Second Lieutenant? And everyone's like, oh, they're the COP people. They don't really know. And
Siobhan Cunningham 05:57
No idea, because a lot of times, it's just people who wanted to help or wanted to serve in there, like, the military will take care of you. I sometimes cringe wanting to talk about commissioned officers training, because it's, it was fun, but it was also terrifying. But it was like a cakewalk compared to basic, I'm sure. or actual OTS. So
Amanda Huffman06:19
I'm guessing you were there in the summer, because you say that there were cadets. And then there are officers? Are there lots of people all over the place?
Siobhan Cunningham 06:26
Yep. And most of us had no idea what you're doing at all times. So this was my fault, because I was just like, but I was realizing they weren't checking our buildings for cleaning. And we had been like, not sleeping, and I'm quick to take a shortcut. I was like, Yeah, they're not checking the rooms, like, let's just go out, we're running late. And that was great for like two days or three days. And then finally, of course, someone room was a mess, because I guess we weren't the only ones. He realized that they weren't checking rooms. I think he stood attention for like, an hour or two hours. And the commandant just forgot about us. Again, it's weird talking about commission officers, because I know what regular people go through.
Amanda Huffman07:07
Yeah. But it's good for people to know that that's an option when you're joining in the medical career field. So if you're like wanting to join the military, and you want to be a doctor, or I think is it doctors and lawyers,
Siobhan Cunningham 07:22
so it's the Medical Corps, that it's one so they do pa as physician assistants, the Jags, there were dentists in there, and social work, that wasn't me. And psychologists, those are the ones who have graduated with their doctors, the social workers need the masters, and there's like nurses, those
Amanda Huffman07:43
were who was out there, that's her pills that you just mentioned, that makes more sense than what I was trying to come up with. And so it's important that if you're looking into those type of peripherals, that you should look into what each branch requires and what the different programs are. Because I did get an email a couple years back from someone who wanted to be a doctor, and she was going to enlist, and she's like, I'll just do it this way. And I was like, I think you should talk to a recruiter, maybe that's the right way. But you probably should talk to a recruiter and find out what the right path is. and see if you can make that happen. You can do almost anything you want in the military. But sometimes it requires certain qualifications, we'll do it.
Siobhan Cunningham 08:21
And then there are also options. If you do take a hiatus and go to school, there are just all kinds of options out there. Because I think they're realizing that having specialists we stay in the military will help make things better for those who aren't the specialist that I talked about.
Amanda Huffman08:37
So it's a really important program to talk about. And so let's talk a little bit about your career and where you went after you graduated from your training and what your first assignment was like. Okay,
Siobhan Cunningham 08:49
so I'm from Florida, and I was in DC for my residency. So I came in with a licensed clinical social worker. And so the options for me where you can apply to go directly in or since my license was fairly new, I could go to residency and because I'm always wanting to learn, I went to residency, one of the things that is important to know about the military is rank does mean a lot. And so I was coming in, I had been doing social work since I graduated in 2008, with my social work, my bachelor's and then I joined in 2014. So it was very strange for me to join as a first lieutenant ground woman at 2930 and being treated like I don't know what I'm doing and being made to question everything. It was insane. And so I was going through this where they weren't making me doubt things about my skills. It just didn't go well. I'm used to being very independent, and I'm used to doing a job well done. So I think that's the most important thing to know about. Your training experience is If you're already a professional coming in, or if you have some experience going to school already pending on your life experiences, it's a completely different adjustment to join the military. And so keeping true to that, like I'm in the system, how can I make this work for, like what I need it for is important. So knowing why you're going into the service is super helpful for when you're in training. And times get tough, and you're not really sure if this is the right decision that it's important before going to training to know what this purpose is.
Amanda Huffman10:35
Yeah, that's so true, because then I can help you push through those hard times.
Siobhan Cunningham 10:41
And then I mean, there's a time to get out when there's a time too. But just since we're all pushers, we're doers. People who join the military are usually especially women, women who joined the military are very, very motivated. One of the biggest things that I found that super helpful, since I've been out in the military is to understand that the systems in place to keep us safe can also drive us crazy. So in the military, it's super helpful, because you have some kind of structure to follow. It helps make you an independent worker and a good leader. But when you get out in the military, the rest of the world isn't functioning under those same restrictions. And it can be a culture shock. I mean, because I'm joining I joined at 29 and got out at 34 ish. And it was a huge adjustment. And that was only three years, four years of
Amanda Huffman11:31
my life. Do you feel like the military changed a lot and those four years
Siobhan Cunningham 11:35
in the most, now three years later, in the most amazing way, but it took three years of me and probably longer tears and reflection, because my story in the military. So I said that, like I had a hard time adjusting to not knowing what I was doing. And I'm coming in as a first lieutenant. And because I had experience in the field I promoted before I went to my second base, which was Malmstrom. And so I already had like a rank advantage. And there was competition, there was comp, there were two other CEOs with the same career field, and they wanted to succeed and they wanted accolades. I really did it. I'm an enlisted person at heart. I cringe. People salute me because I'm like, I'm just here to help. But because of that genuine like, I really do just want to help when it got to the point where I got pulled from doing clinical work, they put me in charge of a program that had half staff, and one of the staff members that was there, it was like terrorizing the rest of the clinic blood because that person was a higher rank than me in the reserves, you know, she was able to, like spin the narrative along with the other officers, and they made it seem like I was putting patients at risk because of documentation issues. Which is absurd. Because as a mental health professional, who gives, if you're, if your documentation is correct, because you have a person in front of you that's hurting and healing, and you want that person to get better so they can continue to work or help them process the fact that like, maybe the military is just not for you. And that's okay. But that's failure in their heads. So it from that perspective, and I felt the military, I feel the air force, and I quit and got out. But that's how I felt then. Now I believe that I had to go through that so I can find those women veterans who I lovingly call that easy serve. So let me just segue real quick, Abadi is a badass lady who kicks butt in adulting and handles life like a boss. It's kind of like this persona. I love femininity, and I love the wimzie of being in the flow. And so I can have a master's degree and to work that and and cardi B if I want to, like that's fine. And I served in the military. So all these labels like social worker, Officer, whatever, flight commander, whatever, when you're in all those things are just like a part of you. Like, there's no question. That's your purpose. But when that's taken away from you, and you're like, well, I did all the things you said to do. I worked 6070 hours a week, I'm here all the time. How am I not doing my job? Like what do you mean? And so once I when I was removed from doing that, I had to just sit in an office and do admin work and smile and pretend like they weren't telling me that my career is over. You're worse than scum because you didn't do your documentation correctly. And really, it was just an over where I was an overworked person who had great intentions and the color of my skin. It was the color of my skin allowed people to To be like Yelp Captain gases, she's dire election to duty, even though I was the second most productive person of seeing clients next to our flight commander. But yet the two people who spearheaded this campaign against me for not working had the lowest numbers, and no one just stopping and saying, like, Hey, this is crazy. The only reason why I can think of is the color of my skin, because like, clearly I was working. Like, clearly they know that I was getting stuff done, they know that my clinic is half staffed, they know that I'm also seeing the second most patients. And on top of that none of my patients have committed suicide. But the two officers who are spearheading this campaign there's have. So it's just absurd how sometimes one little thing can spiral things out of control. And that's when you realize you can do all the things right, you can do everything they want, it may be your fault, it may not be none of that matters, as long as you can accept and move on. That's the power in the military like to get you so ingrained that you can control outcome. Again, now that I'm back into my natural element, which is very feminine and flowy, I can laugh at it, but just know the pressure of like knowing that I'm more than what these people are saying about me. And also moving forward, like trusting that the people in your lives, your friends, your actual friends, those don't necessarily have to be your co workers. A lot of times you're working with people who secretly wants your job. So it says Be cohesive and be great, but that just means be a good person. But also know that the other people in the military are strategically plotting to get your position. And that's just how it is. and it sucks because you're like, this is my homie. But like, we got mouths to feed, we got things to do is not Kumbaya, it's the military. So
Amanda Huffman16:52
that's true. And that's a really good point, I did an interview with Daniella mesogenic. And she was talking about how at OTS, they like rack and stack you and that's how you get your career filled. So they're like be a team, but then they rack and stack you and so people are like stabbing each other in the back because they don't want the person at the top to get the job that they want to get the top spot. And I was wondering where the two officers you mentioned, were they white? And were they male, or were they female.
Siobhan Cunningham 17:22
One was a white male one was a white female. One was a captain who like fit all the looks aesthetic and the other one was a female captain who fit the attitude and let the senate
Amanda Huffman17:36
there is like a challenge of lots of stereotypes still within the military and this like personality that if you have like certain characteristics of being outgoing and loud, people sometimes look at that and they don't look at the work that you're doing. And I think that's a challenge that I faced in the military because I'm not loud and outgoing I'm more shy quiet and so I didn't have that same type of personality that like that was my hardest part of field training is like they're like you're not loud enough and I'm like I'm just not that way but I have other positive aspects. And the military can make you feel like those things like that you need to change those things to be the best and that's not true the military needs everybody and you need a good boss who can understand that like to see your positives and see the strengths that you have. Sounds like you did not have any of that
Siobhan Cunningham 18:31
eventually eventually eventually all the bad seeds got out a new seeds came in and realize that it was not me. It couldn't have been me. I wasn't seeing clients anymore, but stuff was still going crazy. So by the time they figured it out, two of them PCs, one was in the process of like some kind of command directed investigation and then got out and then you know, who knows what else happened to them again, had I have not been a friendly person and a person cares about people I wouldn't be in the situation where new people to come in and see that it wasn't happening. Yeah. Oh, there was so many days of crying silently in my office staring at my computer hoping that when knocked on my door, even in mental health, you see how unhealthy that environment is. for mental health. We're talking about people who are trained to understand how people function and then say, hey, compete against each other. And then me being in the mental health field. My flight was the issue. So then who do I go to for help? Again, I had to lean very heavily on the resources that I already had. And it's really only because of those that I made it because I was suicidal having to go to work. Why? Why does the government want me here? They're just gonna ridicule me because at that point, it was like once you're on their radar for being a bad airman, you just stay a bad airman until they decide to leave you alone. You get out with PCs, which I tried to PCs three times and I kept getting blocked for no reason other than Like, we need, we need people in mental health, okay, but I'm telling you, I can't function in this environment. But no one remembers that when they take me off of duty, right? It's all like you're letting fall through the cracks. I'm very vocal, I'm very clear. If I'm overwhelmed, I know how to communicate my needs. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my flight commander says no. And when your squadron commander isn't trustworthy, I don't really know I'm still like, I don't really know how to navigate that. So my answer to the problem was saying, I'm not going to please these people, I'm just going to be me. It's literally what I had to do. I could work on myself in realize that like, I'm getting out of military, I don't give a care if they give me back my ability to see patients, which I believe they did, eventually. But if I then that's the other thing. You're looking at a person who just wants to help who's from a legacy of military who like is an officer who doesn't annoy the enlisted folks, because I respect him value. Because if I'm disrespectful to them, I'm disrespectful to my dad, my brother, my cousins, my uncle, like, I'm talking about 82nd airborne people, I'm talking about a Ranger, like who've all been through struggles related to their color skin for their ovaries, or both. So I just wanted to help because I know this, and I'm a social worker, I'm a helper. And so I am thankful for the experience because I was not a good therapist in the military, because I personally do not agree with the system of how mental health is. I'm not saying that it's a bad system. It's just not one that someone who is really into her femininity and her flow and like wanting women to embrace that. I don't know how to work in the system like that. So I'm certain that that while I had the qualities to help people who came into my office, I was being told that I was not competent. I was overworked. I was homesick because I'm in the middle of nowhere, there's a handful of black people, which is important to me, it's not so much important to me now my husband's white. So it's not even that I'm like racist or anything and just love being around black people. But if you're from the south, and you're in the middle of nowhere, Montana, you got to look for black people. Especially when the ones you don't look like you that you work with are torturing you daily in trying to make you look, do you know, I got paperwork for being an ugly black woman, my flight commander, not ugly, angry. My flight commander literally on the paperwork just said like, my attitude was bad. And I'm like, Oh, is it because I'm running a program that's half staffed. And every time I asked you for help from like, the person who used to run it before me, you say, No, she's too busy. I don't know. Like, I don't know what you want. Any other time, that would be military bearing, right? But since you're mad, that I'm mad, I'm getting paperwork. And then Normally, you could just quit, you can just leave, but not in the military, we're gonna torture you, you're gonna enjoy it. And you know, if you kill yourself, it's someone else's fault. Like, that's literally what the message was that I got, because the people didn't care if I wanted to kill myself. At one time, I was getting paperwork for my squadron commander who didn't want to give it to me. I cried so much that my nose started bleeding in her office. And I said, I don't feel safe. Because this was like, the third time I've gotten in trouble. When literally all I'm doing is what do you need? What do you want? How can I help? Yes, sir. How can I help? What can I do? Because then they guilted me for messing up so much that I got taken out of the rotation. So we go through this whole trial, like this whole, like, it's not a legal issue, but I have a lawyer, y'all talking about possibly putting strikes against my license for being in a situation that no normal person would be in. So it's just so much structure so much hoopla. And I think the reason why I reached out to Amanda is because I want the people listening to know that you don't have to hide, ladies, you do not have to hide the military sucks from women, period. And it's suck for women from day one, and it probably will continue to suck for women, but hopefully not as bad. It's not you. It's not you. It's not you. It's not you. It's not you. It's not you. Nobody's perfect. You cannot control outcomes of everything. They don't care what anybody tells you. You can't do it. You cannot you can't do it with finances. People are like, Oh, I'm playing the stock market. No, that's not you're not really playing. You're just really good at guessing. So yes, it's not you. Everyone makes mistakes. It's okay. Love and Peace from cheban over here to anyone who feels other. It's not you. It's everyone else. You are perfectly wonderful. Just how you are.
Amanda Huffman24:39
Yeah, I think it's really important to talk about how hard the military is for women because it is hard to be a woman in the military. And I think in a way when I was in it was 2007 to 2013 and there wasn't a lot of talk about it and women just kind of like sucked it up and it was like normal and you never really thought about Got it. But now there's all these conversations. And now I feel like there's an added layer because you know that it's hard to someone's like, what was it like to wear a uniform that was designed for a guy. And I was like, I don't know, I never thought about that. Because no one ever talked about the fact that body armor wasn't made. We just wore it. And well, nobody talks about it. And we didn't say like, oh, like this is more comfortable. And but now there's these conversations and these highlights, and I think that just adds another, hopefully in the future, it'll change for the positive. But right now, I think it's like, not only are things hard for a woman, but now we're even talking about it. So things that you didn't even really think about, he just accepted. Now you're talking about him and like living each day, and realizing how challenging is to be in the military.
Siobhan Cunningham 25:50
And you forget to Like when you get out, you're still even though you're in civilian clothes, what I'm finding this is just what I've noticed, with my friends in medical field, they've done these amazing things in the military, but they're so burned out and exhausted in the like three or four years that they're in that they get out and just want to do whatever, I just want to be a pharmacist, I just want to be a therapist, I just want to be a doctor, I just want to see patients essentially. And that's a disservice to themselves, and the people who need them in the world. Because especially if I can only speak for the rank system as I know it in Air Force. But like as soon as even like an E three would have more experience in like learning how structures work in corporate than a normal person getting out of like Business School, because they prepare, they prepare people for executive level thinking. And so especially with women, because we're so used to being undervalued having to work so hard, not having the support, feeling like control is necessary and not being comfortable in the flow of femininity. So structure is very masculine, it's very left brain. And that's where the military flourishes, but the right brain is flow in femininity. And that's kind of what gets flushed out, right, women are getting under employed when they're getting out of the military, because they're been taught that they have to work harder than the men. So they're not going for the positions that they are more than qualified for. And then the military does not do a good job telling us that the skills we're using can translate into the real world. And here's how. And so when I was bored out of my mind, just doing paperwork for a year, I learned once I got over my stuff, I use learning as an anchor as like preparing for getting out because it's like there's life. On the other side of this drama, I decided that there was life on the other side of this drama. So I use like my goals for when I get out as this is what's for me. And so I really just want the message to go out there that like women who served in the military deserve all the perks of serving, including being called a veteran, including being okay, when someone says thank you for your service, including going to the VA, just to get your rating. You may not have to go to the VA for your services. But don't be afraid to tell your story to a professional, someone who's good at getting your medical information onto an application for you. But don't let the interview that follows where you have to talk about those things that hurt you so you can get your benefit. Don't let those things stop you. If anything. What I tell people when I know that there's a lot of sexual assault, oh my gosh, I'm realizing more and more how it's there is a lot it's more than you would even think. But don't let the fear of talking about it to the clinician, the psychiatrist or colleges who you're going to meet to tell your information to don't don't let that stop you. Because there are certain things that like sexual assault like PTSD, like depression, like back pain, there are certain things that are pretty easy to compensate you for but you have to be able to share and express how it is impacted your life. And in the military. We're used to like what is it brush it off, Buttercup, suck it up, Buttercup, embrace the suck. Okay, simplify is good. I just think sometimes or Gumby. I just think sometimes it's used to say embrace the sub i think it's meant to say embrace the suck when people are mean it to say like accept the abuse.
Amanda Huffman29:47
Yeah, and the military doesn't do a good job. At least when I was getting out of helping you translate your skills or even seeing the value of the different opportunities that you have. I felt really like back then. Don't corner like I've been a civil engineer. And so I could only be a civil engineer and I didn't like civil engineering. I mean, that's why I have a podcast. But I went on this journey on my own and figured out that I could do something other than engineering. But for a long time, I felt really guilty for not doing engineering, because that's what I got my degree in before I had my experience. But all those skills I learned in the military I'm using today for my business. And it took a long time to realize like, that's okay. And like, you can totally pivot, you don't have to do anything anyone tells you to do whatever you want. And you can take the skills you learned from the military, the hard and the soft skills, and take them to do whatever you want to do. Let's talk a little bit about your transition. You You knew you're getting out and you're really struggling. So you started focusing. Did you plan on starting a business when you left the military? Or how did that all come about?
Siobhan Cunningham 30:55
Well, I knew I needed to make money. And I knew I didn't want to go back home. Because literally I could have moved back into my old life. Like my old apart my old townhouse, I could have gotten my old jobs back, but I didn't want to do that. You know, and I'm a god girl. So God works in mysterious ways. I met my husband now husband randomly, and he like kind of stopped me. But I've been dating terrible guys for like the last two years anyway, just because like I needed something. They needed some feeling some connection. And so Josh met me at a wedding, my best friend's wedding, I kid you not. And it was just something about him that allowed me to know like, absolutely, no, because he was a new person in my life, that there was more to me than the shit that I felt through that I was like, Well, what am I gonna do with this newfound information. And I knew I wanted to help women who served in the military, but I knew that like the ones I wanted to help are hard to reach, because there are people who raise their flag. I mean, we're both part of the women veterans Alliance, and I absolutely love that program. But there are women who serve who just cringe when they hear better. And so I knew I wanted to help those people. I didn't know how I could make it profitable. So instead, when I got out, guess what I did, I just want to see patients. So I find this hospital that serves military veterans, and instantly, I'm miserable again. And fast forward to rage quitting two more jobs, where it all it all turned out, it was the same thing. I am way too smart. I'm way too capable to just be seeing patients because I'll walk you I went from running programs in the military. So like doing therapy in these clinics where people don't know how to run the clinic effectively. Like they're doing stuff that's out of rigs. And I'm just like, I don't know what's going on here. This is ethical, like, what's the purpose? Why are we doing this? No one knows. I'm like, well, what's the what are the outcomes? What are my goals? No one knows, what was the average number of calls you want me to like that other people are making. So I can gauge of how much I should be trying to shoot for? No one knows. And I'm like, Wait, you're CEO, like you, you're a CEO. So you make six figures, you're in this company that's giving you millions of dollars to play with, to fix our system. And you don't even have numbers attached to like your program guarantees. I mean, you're telling me that, like, I need to do more, you don't even have to do your job. And so I literally start hysterically laughing. And like, I can't, I can't do this anymore. Like I hysterically laughed at the CEO. Because I was like, the money's not worth it, I was getting paid really well to do nothing, because like they had no way of measuring what I was supposed to do. And that's when I realized, like, I'm worth more than this. I'm below my potential, just because my resume doesn't say vice president or director of that's what I was doing. But it did not feel right for me to change my title. But then I started getting mentors. So there's all kinds of like, veteran mentor programs out there that arrived. So I was speaking to one or two veteran mentors, and they were like, oh, and you know, there's also ACP, it's like, American corporate partners. So I had an executive there. And basically, she was like, just change the type, just change the title, and just change your title. It's okay. And I was like, Is it is it okay? Yeah, you're just trying to get the job and you're trying to relay information so they can get you in the job. And that's when like, a lightbulb clicked. I was like, if someone can give me permission to just change my title. What else am I waiting for permission?
Amanda Huffman34:32
Yeah, those are great programs. I've used both better, ATI and ACP, they are wonderful programs. Yes, free mentorship for better is really helpful for veterans who are transferring out of the military because we could talk to veterans and mentors, even because there are civilians on there too.
Siobhan Cunningham 34:49
And these are people who really want to be a part of this. Like sometimes when you're doing the VA service, it feels like you're in you're in another system, but like these services, those two that that we Talk about the want to help they want an impact, they value the service that we did for our country.
Amanda Huffman35:07
Yeah, they're really great. I'll put the links to both of them in the show notes. But I highly recommend both of them. And ACP does, not only do they do the mentoring, but they also do like monthly series on different topics. And I've been to ones where they have like CEOs like Microsoft and other companies, and they're really good and valuable information is offered.
Siobhan Cunningham 35:28
And that's the other piece that I've noticed is missing, I have like three areas that I focus on. So the flow of femininity within the structure, fairness and ICANN and access to care. So like, I believe that we should have more control over our primary care services than what we do. For instance, when I got out of the service, I was going to therapy, but that was not working for me because I'm therapist, so I realized, like the healing that helps me is yoga and meditation. And just like the stuff that people don't insurance doesn't want to pay for. But why it's preventative care, just because doctors don't value it or the insurance company doesn't mean it's not preventative care. So that like so there's that aspect. And then there's also community because if it was not for my community, I would not be here today, like period, period, period, period, period, period, period.
Amanda Huffman36:21
Yeah, I love meditation, my mom convinced me to try it. And I told her, whatever you're crazy, like, and then I did it for like really consistently for a while. And then I stopped doing it. And I was like, Oh, I'm doing it once a week, it's fine. And then I was like, why is everything's fine. Not a control, because you're not meditating. Once a week is not good. Either. You have to do it every day, because like life happens, but I'm not like they 27 every day in a row. So that's awesome. It just helps ground me. And like when you said anchor, I know when Vickers does, meditation is just so helpful for helping you. I don't know how it works. Practice helps you,
Siobhan Cunningham 37:03
when you slow down, or military is very gogogo. When you slow down and just allow things to happen. Magic can happen. Like that's where the magic starts, is in the calm the quiet. That's when you can listen to your intuition. That's when you can hear you can actually like hear your thought and feel what's going on with you in like, it can be scary. He may cry quick, the result of that is bliss and happiness. So meditation is great because it teaches you how to slow down. And then the mindfulness piece is acknowledging that you're wandering and then just learning to return back to your flow. Kudos on you.
Amanda Huffman37:42
And I'm also doing therapy with con veterans network, which is also
Siobhan Cunningham 37:46
a free program. I haven't heard of that one at all, actually,
Amanda Huffman37:49
yeah, it's really good. They have 20 clinics nationwide. And it's proposed by Oliver butts. And I'm almost done, I have two more sessions of my oil. And it's been that implementation because that got me back on track with doing meditation has been so helpful in my personal life in my mental health, especially because I'm an Afghanistan war veteran. And so going to therapy during the pullout was a great time. Therapy isn't really helpful.
Siobhan Cunningham 38:18
Thank you for sharing that. I know there's a lot of stigma around going to therapy. And I know not all therapists are created equally. But I also know not every therapist is for you. So I'm glad you shared that because it gave me an opportunity to let people know that like if you have tried help, it didn't work. Try it again, try someone else or try a different method. Again, something that gets you into here slows you down and gets you into your into your mind. So you can actually listen to what you're saying.
Amanda Huffman38:47
Yeah, we went through a therapy session and I told her about this thing. And she was like, we should do the chart that I taught you. And so I finally did it yesterday. And I did the chart. And I was like I don't know why I'm doing this chart, because we already talked about it. And then I did the chart. And then at the end I was like, Whoa, I learned this, this and this and I was like this therapy thing.
Siobhan Cunningham 39:07
Oh my gosh, Amanda, thank you for saying that. Because that's a perfect segue into like my number one tool for helping people slow down and figure out what's in their head is that writing. So you know, I do the journaling, jumpstart, it's the whole idea. Exactly that is like so it's one thing to slow down and listen and know, it's another thing to write it down, because that's when you start activating the other side of your brain. And that's when you start thinking and feeling and you can start seeing those connections like you did with your chart. So for those of you who aren't going to therapy who have awesome ideas like doing a family chart or an event chart, just writing down your thoughts like just putting a timer on for like five minutes and sitting down and saying like, I'm going to just free flow information on this paper and if you don't want to do it in a book, that's fine, because what I've been Here's what I hear from patients all the time and clients all the time as well, once I put it on paper, it's true, I have to deal with it, I give you permission not to deal with it, I give you permission to just write it down and go back to it if you want or not.
Amanda Huffman40:13
Okay, I like that my friend was telling me last night because I was worried about something that it's like, next year, something. And she was like, No, you students just write it down, write out how you feel for five minutes and be like, I don't have to worry about this until six months from now, but I'm gonna put what I'm worried about right now on paper, and then I'll know that I don't have to worry about it until six months from now when it actually is something I have to think about instead of thinking about it now where I can't do anything about it anyways, except just get stressed out about
Siobhan Cunningham 40:43
it. Yes. And actually, that's a military skill that I learned too, because they have this concept of the parking lot, or they put these ideas that are good, but we're not talking about that right now. So I have a binder when I work on things for my business, you know, because once you start thinking and having fun and creating, which is like brainstorming your idea, more comes to you because you're now open to options. It's that instantaneous. So I'll have an idea. I'll write it down. I'll like give myself like a brief few minutes to just jot down like the idea. And then I put it in the parking lot binder. So like when I'm bored and they're looking for my next thing, I can look in my parking lot binder for an idea.
Amanda Huffman41:22
That's a very good, so we're almost out of time. Can you mention the name of your business and what the main service that you offer is?
Siobhan Cunningham 41:30
So I'm Shivani and consulting, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be the baddies who serve is going to be the idea but I'm putting I'm doing a book club that helps with professional and personal development for our bodies who served in the military. And it'll have each quarter we'll pick a book, the book that I am going to do for the first quarter is called the body is not an apology by Sonia Rene Taylor, what I do is we do two a month where two conversations a month where we're discussing a section of the book for the quarter, and then we'll also getting some in depth discussions related on that theme. We relate on the month theme, and we're looking at it from the aspect of like business leadership, entrepreneurship, and personal development, femininity, things like
Amanda Huffman42:20
that. That sounds great. I'll have links to that in the show notes so that people can find it easily. And then my last question is, what advice would you give to young women who are considering joining the military,
Siobhan Cunningham 42:31
know why you're joining, know why you're joining, don't just feel like it's my way out of my situation. Because there are other ways out like, the military doesn't have to be your only way. It's probably like the most enticing but figure out what you want what you want out of it. It's funny because we all join the military thinking that we're going to get out retired, the statistics show that most people don't retire. And in fact, that's why they change the retirement system. So like knowing that going in, even at 18, like just know, like it's an only in for this enlistment. What am I going to do?
Amanda Huffman43:03
That's great advice. And yes, the retirement has changed a lot. So if you don't know about the retirement, that's one of the topics that many topics to have, that I'm trying to work on. Thank you so much for your time and for your openness and honesty about your experience in the military.
Siobhan Cunningham 43:16
Thank you so much, Amanda, I very much appreciate your platform and what you do and any way I can help in the future, please do not hesitate to reach out to me and let me know.
Amanda Huffman43:32
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